If you’re sure there’s no room for something personal in a relationship, we have some bad news for you.
Quietly checking your partner’s messengers, social networks or emails is not an innocent prank, but a violation of personal boundaries. If you are doing this yourself or if you have caught someone spying on you, you need to understand the reasons and how to stop it.
Psychologists talk about several main reasons why people read the correspondence of their partners. We’ll tell you about the most popular of them in this article.
There’s a couple of big trust issues
A “spy” doesn’t believe his partner, fears a trick on his part and wants information about possible deception to protect himself. Probably all this is not happening in an empty place: the pair already had cheating, lying, betrayal. Or the one who spies has been deceived in a past relationship and now he can’t trust anyone at all.
There’s no intimacy between partners
They can’t or won’t share their experiences and discuss problems. They keep silent, hide their discontent, do not talk about their suspicions and fears. As a result, misunderstandings and resentments accumulate, grow, turn into jealousy and push one of the partners to stick his nose into someone else’s phone.
One of the partners isn’t sure of himself
It seems to him that he does not deserve love, that he is not attractive enough or smart enough, which means that his partner will soon cool down and start cheating on him.
The man is afraid to be deceived and reads other people’s correspondence to make sure that everything is all right. Or to find out about infidelity as soon as possible and then not to look like a fool. Uncertainty, according to psychologists, is one of the main reasons for jealousy.
One partner wants to control the other
He needs to know absolutely everything about his half: where he goes, what he thinks, who he talks to and what he says about him. That’s why it’s all about reading correspondence, surveillance, installing spyware, stealing passwords. All these are signs of emotional abstraction: a person considers his partner to be his property and cannot let him get off the hook.
Abusers are not absolute villains. They behave this way because of vulnerability, fear of failure, insecurity, but their actions can be extremely destructive to others.
So you should be wary if your partner is trying to read your correspondence with other people. Talk to him about it and find out why you’re jealous.