If you are tired of hearing that “the sea is full of fish”, but personal experience brings only disappointment, it is time to change tactics. Hints from psychologists will ensure a successful catch, arming you with the rule of five “no”.
1. Don’t look for the only one
The sooner you put out of your mind the idea that somewhere on Earth your soul mate is wandering, the sooner you will meet someone real with a suitable set of qualities that you can soberly assess. The beginning of any relationship comes down to one thing: a conscious choice to be with a particular person, learning his traits, habits, cracks and all that. Turn off the romantic perception of reality for the time being.
Realists use the same method as human resources interviewers – a thoughtful conversation that will help assess compatibility and obvious problems.
You examine the chances of success for what you’re negotiating for.
If the other half’s idea doesn’t leave you alone, reconfigure your belief system by telling yourself that there are several soul mates in the world with whom you can have complete reciprocity and harmony, if you get even a little tense about it.
Focus on the personal qualities, values and needs that you have and not on what you think would suit this person. Already at the introduction stages, a much more promising relationship will emerge if you focus on what you want and not him.
2. Don’t make high stakes
Going deeper into the active search of dating applications, it’s easy to feel bored by the flickering of unfamiliar faces. You look at the photo, read the short diagnosis he came up with and decide if the character is cute enough for the right pile. Then, if your interests coincide, you send a message, wait for an answer and probably arrange a date that can both please and disappoint.
Sooner or later you feel tired of waving your finger and wonder why it is necessary at all and why you waste time on nonsense.
3. Don’t drink on the first date
Alcohol can distort consciousness and exaggerate the potential relationship.
If you know a similar feeling, but do not lose hope for a serious relationship, declare a dry law on dating. Alcohol relieves nervous tension, but it also dampens the ability to think rationally and therefore lowers standards.
Tip for those who are uncomfortable without a glass in their hand: order a light bitter cocktail of soda and let yourself, confident and witty, take control of the date and find out if this person is really worthy of your time.